...But are you taking care of yourself?

…But are you taking care of yourself?

This week, I have said this phrase at least 3 times. I’ve been sitting with client’s and hearing about long days and restless nights. I repeat back laundry lists of to do’s, hectic schedules, frenzied occupations with tasks. And I end each session with, “but are you taking care of yourself?”

“I don’t have time to take care of myself, Nichole,” with a look I can only describe as condescending, is what I most often hear. And I understand! I truly do. I understand that society pushes “self- care” while simultaneously increasing the obligations and responsibilities we carry. Caregivers are often faced with the task of putting every moment to work and the responsibility of making those moments count. Caregivers cannot afford to let things like medication refills, baths, and appointments fall through the cracks. Because the consequences are substantial.

I understand.

However, it is extremely rare that I encounter a caregiver that realistically lacks the time to do something good for themselves.

What they most often lack is intention.

They fail to have a self-care plan of action and therefore fail to take care of themselves. A great example of this is the concept of meal planning. Figuring out what to eat can be an overwhelming experience due to the abundance of options. That is why meal planning can be so effective. It reduces decision fatigue and helps you to accomplish your goal of…eating. When you are overwhelmed by life, it is one less decision you need to make.

Now think about your caregiving obligations and that bucket list of “to do’s” you have waiting for you. Is your personal care in this bucket? Is that appointment to the dentist you need to make, or a nap in that bucket? Why isn’t it? What are the feelings that are keeping you from engaging in personal care tasks?

Are you intentionally neglecting yourself?

Think about that question! Are you intentionally neglecting your own needs? We all know the things that we NEED to do for ourselves. We need to eat a complete meal instead of a bowl of cereal for dinner. We need to go to bed at a decent hour instead of staying up scrolling Tik Tok. We know the decisions we need to make however we need to understand why we aren’t making them.

Take some time and reflect on the how and the why.

How are you neglecting yourself and why are you doing so?

When you understand your why and how, then you can create a way to do something differently.

Once you have identified that you feel lonely because you don't see any of your friends anymore, because you feel guilty about leaving your mom with you sister in- law for a few hours (you know because they hate each other).

Then you can address that irrational guilt, call up your tribe, reconnect and feel like a loved individual again.