If you aren't discussing money, it's time to start!

Aging is expensive. No matter how you dice it, getting older or becoming disabled can mean financial hardship. If the person you care for hasn’t prepared adequately for aging or disability, then that hardship falls to you.

Talking about money can be emotional. But not talking about it can be financially devastating. In 2021, 28% of family caregivers reported that they stopped saving and 23% reported taking on more debt (AARP & National Alliance for Caregiving).

As a caregiver, your ability to earn, save and invest depends on how well the person that you care for, is prepared financially for their own care. If you aren’t talking to your loved ones about their future or present care needs, then you should begin now.

In retrospect, one of my elders should have asked my grandpa a few important questions like “where did all of your savings go?”. But no one did and as a family, we left him helpless to thievery, manipulation, and old man impulses (like Ostrich skinned cowboy boots). Because everyone was so concerned about being respectful, no one ever questioned by grandpa’s financial preparedness.

So, when it came time for grandpa to need some assistance, his house was already in foreclosure. This should not have happened.

Lets discuss how to have a discussion:

Be respectful, but be direct.

Talking about money can cause conflict, and yes you want to be respectful, but there are things that you need to know. As people age or become more vulnerable they may feel like their autonomy is in jeopardy. That is understandable, however, to identify options you need a clear picture of the resources you as the caregiver, must work with. So, you can be respectful of your care receivers feelings while also being direct about the information you need to know. Here is how.

Don’t assume, ASK!

Don’t assume mom has been saving for retirement, or that your sister has money tucked away for a rainy day. Don’t assume that grandpa reserved his savings for old age, instead of blowing almost everything on a trip to Africa. Make NO ASSUMPTIONS. Ask questions about retirement, savings, assets, debt, and general expenses. You want to know if what is coming in, is less than what is going out. You want to know that if your father can’t work tomorrow, he won’t be on the street by Saturday.

If you find out that things aren’t what they should be, don’t shame and don’t judge, but do be realistic.

There can be so much shame in the fact that you have worked your entire life and might have little to show for it. Or that you haven’t even considered the fact that you might get old or suffer from a disability. The goal is not to create more shame, but to increase understanding and be able to make a plan.

Collaborate on that plan.

Your approach is EVERYTHING. Set your intentions to collaborate to find a solution and create a plan, not to dictate. In your discussions you might discovery some scary news. Finding out my grandpa’s house was in foreclosure was devastating and scary. I checked my own feelings, we created a plan together, and we eventually saved his home.

Check your own financial wellness plan.

Your money practices and mindset matter too. How you relate to money will affect how you have these conversations. The more confident you feel regarding your personal finances, the easier it will be to understand your options, plan and stick to it. If you don’t have a good relationship with your money, then you need to learn how to.

The bottom line… Taking a promotion, starting a business, traveling, expanding your family, going back to school, can be positively or negatively impacted by your care receiver’s financial preparedness. If you are a caregiver and you don’t know the financial health of the person you care for, then you are putting yourself at risk and potentially taking from your own future. Ask the hard questions and keep asking. Soon those questions won’t be so difficult to ask.